"Hubby should help more around the house"

Friday, December 10, 2006 8:31pm

Hubby should help more around the house.
He should care as much as I do about keeping things clean and he should do more.
I would be happier if the housework was done and if he helped me more.

1. Is it true (the belief from above)?
Yes.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
I can’t know what’s in my or his highest good. I can’t know what his path is. Also the reality of it is that Hubby does what he does, and that’s it. He cares about what he cares about and that’s it. And it’s his business what he does and what he cares about. So no, I can’t absolutely know that it’s true.

3. How do you react when you think that thought?
I get angry at Hubby. I blame him for a lot of things. I get angry when I see a trashcan with no liner, dishes in the sink, rotten pumpkins from Halloween still on the porch, trash cans out on the curb 2 days after pickup, dog poop in the yard, dog hair on the floor, empty toilet paper rolls in the bathroom, overflowing laundry baskets, unfolded laundry, messy closets and rooms, and unmade beds. I blame Hubby for everything. And I am angry a lot!

I think I can know how much he cares. So I judge him as not caring enough, and I make him wrong for that too.

I feel small. I feel totally behind all the time and that makes me crazy. I feel completely dominated by all the things that are incomplete.

I treat Hubby like he is lazy, selfish, and unconscious. Like he is a jerk.

Sometimes I don’t clean the house just to prove a point.

I wait for him to acknowledge everything I have done and when he doesn’t I get upset.

Can you see a reason to drop that thought? (And please don’t try to drop it.)
Heavens yes.

4. Who would you be without the thought?
I would be more independent. I would see everything as mine, like a sense of ownership. I would take care of the things that I see need to be taken care of, out of love, not out of spite. I would just see what needs to be done and do it because it makes a difference for em. I would see all the things that need to be done as an opportunity to give myself a gift. Oooh, that would be cool! I would take pride in what I do. I would see the possibility of what bringing completion to each task could be. I might even perform each task fully present, like a meditation. I would be mindful of each task instead of mindless. I would see my home as my sacred domain and I could even see creating it as an expression of something wonderful instead of being run by looking good/avoiding looking bad.

Turn the thought around.
Hubby shouldn’t help more around the house.
Hm, I struggle with that one.
1- that’s the reality of it – he helps as much as he does
2- it’s not my business what he does
3- I get to do The Work on it and set myself free!

I should help more around the house.
Yes, this is true. I should be more helpful to myself around the house by letting go of unproductive thoughts.

I should help Hubby more around the house.
Yes, this is truer. I love him, and I can show my love for him by serving him - authentically. I could also help him clean his home office. I could ask him what he wants in our living space – like what he wants out of it, and create that so he feels he has some ownership. Take pride in stuff.
I also see that Hubby has done a LOT of stuff between the two houses and I could definitely try to help him more instead of giving excuses. I expect him to work twice as hard as I do and that is pretty brutal. I have excuses but I don’t tolerate his?!?!

Belief #2: “He should care as much as I do about keeping things clean and he should do more."
-I should care as much as I do about keeping things clean and I should do more. This is true!
-I should care as little as he does about keeping things clean and I should do less! YES this is true! I am the hyperactive housewife and I should give myself a break by caring LESS! Also I see that I could find ways to do less…by working smarter I suppose. Creating a system or a structure for what needs to be done and when, so I don't find myself spending all my time cleaning or whatever.

Belief #3:“I would be happier if the housework was done.”
I can’t know that’s true.

I would be sadder if the housework was done…
is this true? I would have less to do…
Yes, I guess I don’t have any interest in actually having the housework done because I notice I do a great job at keeping it dirty…

Turning around my judgments of him:
“Hubby is lazy, selfish, and unconscious. He is a jerk.”
I am lazy – yes, look at that bra just sprawled out on my dresser and that pile of shoes on the floor – I notice all the messes in the house I pretty much made…
I am selfish – yes, I want him to do what I want to do all the time, especially when it comes to the housework! I don’t even let him have his own thoughts and feelings about it!
I am unconscious – yes, especially about all of this. I didn't even realize until now that I am the one that makes the messes in the house that I have to clean up!
I am a jerk – yes, especially about all of this. I am a jerk to myself when I allow myself to be angry all the time about EVERYTHING.