Thursday, February 28, 2008

"Being sick ruins everything"

I spent the better part of January 2008 with a terrible flu, cold, and respiratory infection... all while my husband was in Africa for two weeks. My son was sick too, and I have never had to care for myself and a sick baby without hubby's help. It was HORRIBLE. I love that I got to see that I can't choose a different physical experience than the one I am having (I can't wish myself all better) but I CAN work with the mind.

Being sick ruins everything.

Is it true?

No. it does not ruin everything.

How do I react when I think “being sick ruins everything”?

I hate how I feel. I hate being sick. I get resentful. I feel small and powerless. I feel zero motivation. I worry about having to cancel my speaking engagement Tuesday night. I worry about getting things done. I get upset with my son. I sit around and do nothing. I see sickness as an obstacle to everything. I feel frustrated. I feel like I need help and it’s not coming, and that makes me angry. I want homemade chicken soup and I don’t have any. I get angry. I feel like a little girl who can’t take care of herself. I try to sleep and I can’t. I feel like I am wasting my time sitting around all day. I wait all day for the day to be over. Or I wait all day for Baby to take a nap so I can be free of him. I see him as an obstacle. I feel stuck in the house. I just feel stuck. I think about all the awful things that are going to happen this week because I am sick. I see myself still sick by Friday and hating that. I see myself canceling all my appointments and just lying around like an idiot. I feel powerless.

I see my body as weak, broken, inept, incapable, and that makes me angry. My feelings rule the day. I also see myself having to take antibiotics or something because I am so sick, and that's not what I want to do. I see myself getting worse and not better.

Feel sad, angry, upset, thwarted.

Without the thought “being sick ruins everything”:

I would let my symptoms be what they are – symptoms – I would take really good care of myself – I would do whatever it takes to feel good i.e. drink a lot (of water!!), take vit C, suck on lozenges, stay warm, turn up the heat, crank up the humidifier, dress warm, drink lots of water, sit and meditate, do The Work, paint, do something crafty, keep the house clean, ask people to help me. I would clean out the fridge of all the crappy stuff in there that I am not going to eat and that makes me sick to just look at it.

I would eat warm, yummy, comforting food. Drink lots of tea. Deal with it. Be responsible for my well-being. Carry around a pack of Kleenex. Use a neti pot for my nose daily. Gargle daily. Sleep as much as I can. Ask for help with Baby.

Turn it around:

Being sick does not ruin everything.

It does not ruin how good my hair looks. LOL

It does not ruin my ability to be creative.

It does not ruin my ability to keep the house up.

I may still be able to speak by Tuesday night, even if I am sick. Who knows?

Being sick blesses everything.

Makes me take care of my body.

Being sick makes me let others help me. What a blessing.

I get to be on vacation from everything else, if I want. Hmmm… maybe I could go on vacation … somewhere warm for even just a day…

Being healthy ruins everything… ??

hmm. OK, I can see that when I am healthy it ruins my amazing opportunity to sleep all day! ;)

(Can't find any other examples here but feel free to help me out!)

oh and of course: My THINKING ruins everything.

yes. Only always. My thinking "I should feel better" (when I don't) creates a lot of stress.

My thinking makes matters worse. I put so much mental pressure on myself about what I think I 'have' to do - and when I am physically unable to do it, that way of thinking ruins the peace available in that moment.

"I need to be different than I am right now" (as if I have a choice...)

This one came up one morning that I was having a TERRIBLE time emotionally, and a client was on their way to do The Work. In my previous life as a massage therapist, I was always taught that you have to "leave your 'stuff' at the door" before a session, and I was such a wreck this particular morning - as it turns out, the thought "I need to be in a better 'space' to facilitate" was only making matters worse.


"I have to be in a better 'space' to facilitate (my clients) this morning."

Is it true?

No.

How do you react when you think that thought?

Doubtful, nervous, suppressed, focused on self, feel like I am hiding something, harsh on myself, see them as needing something from me and I have to give it, feel inauthentic.

Feel like I have to have it all together.

Feel like a hypocrite, pretending I have answers or really anything to offer.

Feel pressure to perform.

See the session as a potential waste of time.

Feel like I have to lie.

(Sounds fun, huh??)

Who would you be without the thought?

‘this is going to be interesting’

open to spirit

humble

don’t-know mind

grateful

curious

open to love, open to receiving vs. focused on giving

kind and gentle to myself.

Turn it around:

I don’t have to be in a better space to facilitate this morning. True.

Examples:

I have no choice – I am in the space I am in.

Being in this space has me do the work and I am more relaxed and open.

Who is the teacher anyway? ;)

"I don't have enough time."

This is an old one from December 2006 (I had just given birth to my son three months prior). Amazing how there are no new stressful thoughts, huh?!

I also realize, looking back at this, how I have entirely dropped the idea that I even "HAVE TO" do everything. I simply don't get overwhelmed like this anymore by a mountain of tasks that I think MUST be done right now!

Belief: I can’t do everything I have to do because I don’t have enough time.

1. Is it true?

I suppose I could do everything somehow.

I suppose it could be done in the time I have, or even less.

No it is not true.

Possible follow-ups:

ΓΏ What is the reality of it? Did it happen?

It hasn’t even happened yet! But I am sure collecting a lot of evidence for it.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Only if I wait and do nothing, then I could say it was true.

But if that happened I would only know that it WAS true, and the jury would still be out on the future.

(Can I know more than God/reality?)

Nope. I suppose it is entirely possible for me to get everything done and manage all that there is to manage.

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

I get pissy. I cry. I resist. I kick and scream. I feel in a stupor. I get distracted. I make things extremely hard on myself and on others around me.

I feel tension in my head. In my stomach. In my eyes. My eyes burn, my head gets foggy, my spine gets slouchy and tired, my stomach gets hollow. It feels completely draining and deadening. I feel like I am stuck in concrete up to my neck. I have a headache and my jaw gets tense.

I don’t let Hubby support me, and then he feels powerless. I invalidate other people. I make them work really hard to get me sorted out.

I give myself no room and no space to screw up. I am incredibly hard on myself. In fact, I am impossible on myself. I get really negative. I resist doing anything and then I regret that I didn’t take actions. I am a drama queen, I get cranky, and I really limit myself.

I go down a deep dark tunnel. I lash out at everyone. I start unraveling the whole structure of my life. “I can’t do any of this” “I sold out” “this is all wrong” “this isn’t it” “I’ll never do anything right” “I can’t have what I want” “this sucks” “I don’t want any of this” “I don’t trust myself” “I am not in control of my life”

>Can you see a reason to drop that thought? (And please don’t try to drop it.)

Yes. I wouldn’t have all that crap up there.

4. Who would you be without the thought?

Peaceful, present, powerful. A celebration. Magical. Miraculous. I would be someone who amazes myself and others. I would be relieved. I would be energized, alive, vital, creative, and productive.

I would probably get stuff done and have more fun doing it. I would hold myself to a higher level of integrity. I would manage all there is to manage with a lot more power. I would give myself free time. I would take care of and nurture myself and be ruthlessly true to myself. I would probably trust God more and live by the Spirit more.

I would probably be easier on others and I would certainly be more cooperative – part of the team. I wouldn’t worry so much about getting things “right”.

Turn the thought around.

I can do everything I have to do and I have enough time

I can do everything I have to do and I don’t have enough time – YES – I can still do it – time has nothing to do with it.

I am able to do it all – yes. I am actually physically able to do just about anything I want to do.

In my thinking, I can’t do everything I have to do – YES, that is most certainly true .

I have enough time – true, I can see that I waste a lot of time thinking I don’t have enough time because I resist everything.

It is possible to do everything I have to do and do it in time – yes, I can see that could be truer.