Friday, November 13, 2009

I got bored of "Thanksgiving" so I did something else

I come from a family of nine kids. Yep, nine kids. Needless to say, Thanksgiving Day is usually mayhem, and a lot of work.

I started getting bummed out by the usual "What are YOU thankful for?" routine - you know, where you go around the table and say something you're grateful for? Ugh. I hate doing ANYTHING out of obligation.

So... a couple years ago I started doing something else: Naikan (pronounced nye-kan). It is the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection, and for me, a direct gateway into overflowing gratitude. (Why talk about being grateful when you can actually BE grateful? Are you catching my drift?)

I invite you to try it with me this month and see how your life blossoms.

The entire process requires a notebook, a pen, and some quiet time with three little questions.

Naikan means "looking inside" or "looking inward", which is precisely what we DON'T do when we are hurt or upset with another person or situation. Though virtually unknown in North America, there are scores of Naikan centers in Japan that use this process in mental health counseling, addiction treatment, schools, business, and even for prisoners. (source: Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection by Gregg Krech)

It's simple, but challenging. Here's the basic way to do it:

Pick any person in your life. Anyone. You can love them or hate them or anything in between - just for now, pick one person. It could be your spouse, a child, co-worker, the pizza delivery guy, your postal worker... neighbor, dog groomer - anyone.

Write down their name at the top of a blank page.

Copy down the first question:

1) What have I received from this person?
Make a list. Really, stop and look. Reflect on everything that this person has given you. What gifts have they given you? How have they supported you? What kind things have they done for you? Give yourself ten minutes and make as thorough a list as possible. Be SPECIFIC.

Next question:

2) What have I given to this person?

What did you actually do for them? What have you given them in return? What kindnesses or favors or simple gifts have you provided? Give yourself another ten minutes and make as thorough a list as possible. Be SPECIFIC.

And finally:

3) What troubles or difficulties have I caused this person?

This can be a difficult question to answer. Did you criticize them? Did you make them pick up your slack? Did you ignore them? Be SPECIFIC.

Again, the purpose of this is for self-reflection, not self-criticism. When you are done with all three questions, simply look at all three lists.

What do you notice?
What are you aware of now that you weren't aware of before?

Please share your insights by commenting on this post or by sending me an email.

I invite you to do this at least FIVE times between now and November 30, 2009. Let's do a little experiment and see what we see. The results might surprise you.

I'll be posting my own examples (as soon as I can find the notebook I've been using for this!)