Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Terror of Anticipation

Can we talk about Brigham Young ? No, not for religious purposes or even college football… but for the opportunity of sharing something that will give you access to freedom! In this quote I found this week, Brigham, who lived in the 19th century, was speaking about a time when a judge stood up in a Mormon meeting and publicly insulted and threatened the group. Of this incident, he says (and I’ve added my own emphasis here):


“…there were men and women in the congregation who suffered more in the anticipation of what might be the result of it in future, than the generality this people have suffered in being actually mobbed.”


Do you ever do that? Do you ever imagine some terrible thing happening to you or those you love: bankruptcy, illness, divorce, misunderstandings, loss, loneliness, failure, or hardship? That’s what we’re talking about here. Find your own example of this.


He continues:

“…They could see, in imagination, all hell let loose upon us, themselves strung up, their ears cut off, their bowels torn out, and this whole people cut to pieces…”


Now look and see if you don’t do the same thing. Look at what images come to mind when you think about this thing you fear. Notice all the pictures that come to mind. What terrible places does your imagination take you? Living in a homeless shelter, being embarrassed, having to ask for help, being alone forever, never making ‘the cut’ and so on? Going on:


“After they had time to think, they found themselves still alive and unhurt, to their great astonishment. They suffered as much as though they had been sent to the bottom of the bottomless pit…I know this people have suffered more by the contemplation of trouble, than they have when actually passing through it…as they have magnified future trouble almost infinitely beyond its real dimensions…”


Isn’t that so true for all of us? See if you can locate a time in the past when you anticipated something unfavorable happening. Which was actually worse – anticipating it, or going through it? Maybe you thought “I could not handle it if…”; now notice that you did handle it – because here you are. Still alive.

And finally:


“…That mankind makes mistakes in these ways must be apparent to those who have felt the workings of hope and fear in their nature. People suffer more in the anticipation of death, than in death itself. There is more suffering in what I call borrowed trouble, than in trouble itself” (from Journal of Discourses, Vol 1, pages 313-315).


Amen, brother Brigham.

I need to have this baby today

As many of you know, I am currently 9 months pregnant. I had a little false alarm on Labor Day (last Monday) - a bout of intense contractions 5 minutes apart. I went to bed that night, CERTAIN that I'd have this baby in my arms on Tuesday. It's now Thursday... no baby yet. Every day started to feel like a disappointment! So I did The Work on this thought:

I need to have this baby today

...and here's how it went.

I need to have this baby today - is that true?

Well, no. I don't need to. I just kind of want to. Or at least that's what I keep thinking, anyway.

I need to have this baby today - how do you react when you think that thought (and you are apparently NOT having the baby today)?

I get disappointed, frustrated, bored, discouraged, think that the future will be better than right now (ha! ask me that when I've had no sleep for 6 weeks!), see pregnancy as a burden, feel like I have to 'do something' to intervene, feel pressure to 'make it happen' somehow, get impatient...

Who would you be without the thought I need to have this baby today?

Peaceful, open, trusting, allowing, relaxed...like I was before. I would allow things to be as they are and I would get on with my life instead of putting it on hold. I would enjoy what is going on right now and savor these last moments before a big change comes!

Turn it around: I need to have this baby today=

I don't need to have this baby today. That is true. I mean, reality tells me that apparently I'm NOT having this baby today, so either I know more than God, or things are going exactly as they ought to.

It's also true because I haven't had the baby yet, and I'm still alive. I'm doing just fine. I'm doing really well, actually! I am healthy, and the baby is healthy; there is no ACTUAL need (as in medical emergency) to get this baby out. Thank heaven.

Another turnaround: This baby needs to have me today. Way truer. I've got plenty to do, but baby apparently needs to still have my body to roost in for awhile. Apparently it still needs to be inside, because it is. I trust babies. I trust my body. This is much better - I'd really rather just wait until the baby chooses to come.

Yet another turnaround: I want to have this baby today. Yes, a want is very different than a need. And at this point I can't even say that's true for me that I WANT to have the baby today. What's truer is I want the baby to come when it's ready.