"Falling Off the Wagon"

This one came up at Christmastime.

With regard to eating, I have to be “all or nothing” – meaning, I am either 100% purely healthy or the whole thing goes down the toilet. I have been known as a health food nazi at times in my life. For five years I did not eat any sugar, dairy, or animal products and was completely vigilant about it. I even ate only 100% raw fruits, veggies, nuts, and seeds for a year. Then I got pregnant and started eating all kinds of things - chicken, fish, eggs, dairy, junk food, health food - no real self-imposed limits. I haven't been close to my 'old plan' since. I have tried and failed, and upon investigation, I noticed I live with the belief that in order for me to be successful at eating heathfully, I can not allow myself to eat anything I consider unhealthful, not even in the smallest amount, without falling off the wagon completely. "All or nothing."

Hubby helped me out with this one as we were driving to another Christmas party.

“I have to be all-or-nothing about food”

Is it true?
Yes, it’s true. I really do have to be that way.
No, seriously, it's the only way that works for me.

Can you absolutely know it's true?
OK, no, I can’t absolutely know it’s true. Just because I have been that way in the past does not necessarily mean that it is true for the future...or even true at all.

How do you react when you believe that thought?
I am totally rigid with myself. I am the health food nazi. I see sugar as the evil enemy that must be destroyed or at least avoided like the plague. I sure pay a lot of attention to the sugar, so much attention that I end up eating it. (Funny how that happens, eh?) Then I think that if I have eaten one piece of Christmas candy then I’ve blown the whole plan. May as well just go for it. I end up eating LOTS of pieces of candy, fudge, homemade caramel, dessert...and feel like I have to hide that. But it's sooo good....

I feel like a bad girl, out of control and hopeless. I feel like a hypocrite. I gain weight, feel horrible and get sick. I feel weak. I have been able to eat healthy in the past and I feel like I’ll never get back there again.

Eating healthy seems like an ideal that I will never reach.

Can you see a reason to drop that thought? And I'm not asking you to drop it.
Yep, I can see a reason to drop the thought.

Who would you be without the belief "I have to be all or nothing"?
Now this really takes some imagining because I have never lived without the thought...

If I could look at Christmas candy without the thought “It’s all or nothing…” I would actually be FREE to have one piece, if that was what I wanted, or not, and stop after that. Or not! Either way, I would be conscious. I would realize that I’m actually hungry, and eating candy won’t fill me up; I could go find something REAL to eat that will leave me satisfied. And when I do eat that piece of candy, I wouldn’t think “Oh great, I’ve ruined it all now” but rather, I will savor it as a real treat.

Ironically, it’s likely I will end up making healthier choices naturally, because healthy stuff is what I really want anyway. There would be no ‘evil’ to resist and therefore I would be truly free to choose.

Turnaround:
It’s not all or nothing.
This is true. I realize that I actually do trust myself about what I do or don’t like to put in my body. When I am not confused in my thinking, I naturally make healthy eating choices.

My thinking is all or nothing.
(Sometimes Byron Katie uses “my thinking” in a turnaround)
This is true – when I am not conscious to my thoughts, they most definitely have me. Either my thoughts have me or I have my thoughts. No middle of the road here.

I arrived at the Christmas party totally freed up about food. I didn’t have any ‘charge’ on eating the so-called ‘right’ (healthy) way or not. I enjoyed myself, ate what I wanted, and left happy. I had some sweets and I had some healthy stuff. I even tried my sister's wasabi-teriyaki meatballs after not having eaten beef in five years. They were delicious. I ate two, and then I didn't want any more. I enjoyed the few sweets I had, but I gravitated toward the healthy stuff naturally and ended up eating more of that anyway.

The result?
No-drama eating. What a flippin' relief.
Oh and between Christmas and New Year’s I actually lost five pounds - a little unexpected side-effect of shedding some mental weight!