"Being sick ruins everything"

I spent the better part of January 2008 with a terrible flu, cold, and respiratory infection... all while my husband was in Africa for two weeks. My son was sick too, and I have never had to care for myself and a sick baby without hubby's help. It was HORRIBLE. I love that I got to see that I can't choose a different physical experience than the one I am having (I can't wish myself all better) but I CAN work with the mind.

Being sick ruins everything.

Is it true?

No. it does not ruin everything.

How do I react when I think “being sick ruins everything”?

I hate how I feel. I hate being sick. I get resentful. I feel small and powerless. I feel zero motivation. I worry about having to cancel my speaking engagement Tuesday night. I worry about getting things done. I get upset with my son. I sit around and do nothing. I see sickness as an obstacle to everything. I feel frustrated. I feel like I need help and it’s not coming, and that makes me angry. I want homemade chicken soup and I don’t have any. I get angry. I feel like a little girl who can’t take care of herself. I try to sleep and I can’t. I feel like I am wasting my time sitting around all day. I wait all day for the day to be over. Or I wait all day for Baby to take a nap so I can be free of him. I see him as an obstacle. I feel stuck in the house. I just feel stuck. I think about all the awful things that are going to happen this week because I am sick. I see myself still sick by Friday and hating that. I see myself canceling all my appointments and just lying around like an idiot. I feel powerless.

I see my body as weak, broken, inept, incapable, and that makes me angry. My feelings rule the day. I also see myself having to take antibiotics or something because I am so sick, and that's not what I want to do. I see myself getting worse and not better.

Feel sad, angry, upset, thwarted.

Without the thought “being sick ruins everything”:

I would let my symptoms be what they are – symptoms – I would take really good care of myself – I would do whatever it takes to feel good i.e. drink a lot (of water!!), take vit C, suck on lozenges, stay warm, turn up the heat, crank up the humidifier, dress warm, drink lots of water, sit and meditate, do The Work, paint, do something crafty, keep the house clean, ask people to help me. I would clean out the fridge of all the crappy stuff in there that I am not going to eat and that makes me sick to just look at it.

I would eat warm, yummy, comforting food. Drink lots of tea. Deal with it. Be responsible for my well-being. Carry around a pack of Kleenex. Use a neti pot for my nose daily. Gargle daily. Sleep as much as I can. Ask for help with Baby.

Turn it around:

Being sick does not ruin everything.

It does not ruin how good my hair looks. LOL

It does not ruin my ability to be creative.

It does not ruin my ability to keep the house up.

I may still be able to speak by Tuesday night, even if I am sick. Who knows?

Being sick blesses everything.

Makes me take care of my body.

Being sick makes me let others help me. What a blessing.

I get to be on vacation from everything else, if I want. Hmmm… maybe I could go on vacation … somewhere warm for even just a day…

Being healthy ruins everything… ??

hmm. OK, I can see that when I am healthy it ruins my amazing opportunity to sleep all day! ;)

(Can't find any other examples here but feel free to help me out!)

oh and of course: My THINKING ruins everything.

yes. Only always. My thinking "I should feel better" (when I don't) creates a lot of stress.

My thinking makes matters worse. I put so much mental pressure on myself about what I think I 'have' to do - and when I am physically unable to do it, that way of thinking ruins the peace available in that moment.

"I need to be different than I am right now" (as if I have a choice...)

This one came up one morning that I was having a TERRIBLE time emotionally, and a client was on their way to do The Work. In my previous life as a massage therapist, I was always taught that you have to "leave your 'stuff' at the door" before a session, and I was such a wreck this particular morning - as it turns out, the thought "I need to be in a better 'space' to facilitate" was only making matters worse.

"I have to be in a better 'space' to facilitate (my clients) this morning."

Is it true?

No.

How do you react when you think that thought?

Doubtful, nervous, suppressed, focused on self, feel like I am hiding something, harsh on myself, see them as needing something from me and I have to give it, feel inauthentic.

Feel like I have to have it all together.

Feel like a hypocrite, pretending I have answers or really anything to offer.

Feel pressure to perform.

See the session as a potential waste of time.

Feel like I have to lie.

(Sounds fun, huh??)

Who would you be without the thought?

‘this is going to be interesting’

open to spirit

humble

don’t-know mind

grateful

curious

open to love, open to receiving vs. focused on giving

kind and gentle to myself.

Turn it around:

I don’t have to be in a better space to facilitate this morning. True.

Examples:

I have no choice – I am in the space I am in.

Being in this space has me do the work and I am more relaxed and open.

Who is the teacher anyway? ;)

"I don't have enough time."

This is an old one from December 2006 (I had just given birth to my son three months prior). Amazing how there are no new stressful thoughts, huh?!

I also realize, looking back at this, how I have entirely dropped the idea that I even "HAVE TO" do everything. I simply don't get overwhelmed like this anymore by a mountain of tasks that I think MUST be done right now!

Belief: I can’t do everything I have to do because I don’t have enough time.

1. Is it true?

I suppose I could do everything somehow.

I suppose it could be done in the time I have, or even less.

No it is not true.

Possible follow-ups:

ÿ What is the reality of it? Did it happen?

It hasn’t even happened yet! But I am sure collecting a lot of evidence for it.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Only if I wait and do nothing, then I could say it was true.

But if that happened I would only know that it WAS true, and the jury would still be out on the future.

(Can I know more than God/reality?)

Nope. I suppose it is entirely possible for me to get everything done and manage all that there is to manage.

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

I get pissy. I cry. I resist. I kick and scream. I feel in a stupor. I get distracted. I make things extremely hard on myself and on others around me.

I feel tension in my head. In my stomach. In my eyes. My eyes burn, my head gets foggy, my spine gets slouchy and tired, my stomach gets hollow. It feels completely draining and deadening. I feel like I am stuck in concrete up to my neck. I have a headache and my jaw gets tense.

I don’t let Hubby support me, and then he feels powerless. I invalidate other people. I make them work really hard to get me sorted out.

I give myself no room and no space to screw up. I am incredibly hard on myself. In fact, I am impossible on myself. I get really negative. I resist doing anything and then I regret that I didn’t take actions. I am a drama queen, I get cranky, and I really limit myself.

I go down a deep dark tunnel. I lash out at everyone. I start unraveling the whole structure of my life. “I can’t do any of this” “I sold out” “this is all wrong” “this isn’t it” “I’ll never do anything right” “I can’t have what I want” “this sucks” “I don’t want any of this” “I don’t trust myself” “I am not in control of my life”

>Can you see a reason to drop that thought? (And please don’t try to drop it.)

Yes. I wouldn’t have all that crap up there.

4. Who would you be without the thought?

Peaceful, present, powerful. A celebration. Magical. Miraculous. I would be someone who amazes myself and others. I would be relieved. I would be energized, alive, vital, creative, and productive.

I would probably get stuff done and have more fun doing it. I would hold myself to a higher level of integrity. I would manage all there is to manage with a lot more power. I would give myself free time. I would take care of and nurture myself and be ruthlessly true to myself. I would probably trust God more and live by the Spirit more.

I would probably be easier on others and I would certainly be more cooperative – part of the team. I wouldn’t worry so much about getting things “right”.

Turn the thought around.

I can do everything I have to do and I have enough time

I can do everything I have to do and I don’t have enough time – YES – I can still do it – time has nothing to do with it.

I am able to do it all – yes. I am actually physically able to do just about anything I want to do.

In my thinking, I can’t do everything I have to do – YES, that is most certainly true .

I have enough time – true, I can see that I waste a lot of time thinking I don’t have enough time because I resist everything.

It is possible to do everything I have to do and do it in time – yes, I can see that could be truer.

"I need financial security" and other scary thoughts about money

from June 2007 - a long one but a GOOD one! We get so crazy about money. The Work helps make you sane about money. Check it out:

I need financial security.

Is it true?

Yes. I can’t feel safe unless I have a lot of money.

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

No – the reality is that I have never had financial security. What does that even mean? I have done just fine without lots and lots of money. And when I have had lots and lots of money, I didn’t take care of it very well. I don’t have financial security now; apparently I must not truly, truly need it. I also notice that I do have financial security in ways I never noticed before. I don’t worry about paying my bills etc.

How do I react when I believe the thought “I need financial security”, and I don’t have it?

Panic. Terror. Upset. Frustration. Feel totally like a failure. Feel limited, trapped, feel like I am going to die, embarrassed, helpless, totally and completely powerless. I feel like an idiot. I feel regretful; totally regretful. I feel stupid. I regret how I have spent it. I fill myself with what ifs and if only this or that had happened. I see money as the source of my security. I feel weak and small. Helpless. I see myself as totally inept.

The images that come to mind: me as an old woman, alone, have nothing, pushing a shopping cart, deep worry lines on my face, wearing rags, probably insane and mumbling to myself. My children have abandoned me because I am so stupid. Walking around downtown, begging for money, and people pitying me or judging me.

Money is the center point of my existence. Money is more important than freedom, ultimately. Money rules the day. I want more of it. I spend the money I do have. I don’t appreciate it. I treat it carelessly and then regret it. Everything, ultimately boils down to a financial decision. I feel limited by money when I don’t have it; I feel excited and powerful when I do have it. When I don’t have it, and I believe I need it, I get angry at hubby for not making more. I blame him. I get fearful. I get stressed. I bark at him for not paying the bills. I fear creditors calling. I fear a bad credit score. I see opportunities closing down all around me because of that. I see him as irresponsible. I see him as inept. I get angry. It ruins my day. I am embarrassed and apologetic. I feel totally powerless. I feel this tantrum, this rage well up inside me. I imagine having to ask for help and I hate that. I anticipate judgment and criticism from others. I re-live my sisters and my mom telling me that I need to quit trying to make it as a massage therapist and just get a ‘real job’. I feel frustrated. I feel like I can’t ever have what I want. I feel like I have to sell out. I feel like a failure. I feel like whatever I do is not good enough. I feel stupid. I can’t focus, I can’t be present. I get desperate. I am really hard on myself. “You should know better. You are so irresponsible. What is wrong with you? You are so out of control”. I feel out of control. I feel like money is really mysterious and I’ll never have it. I see money as power. I think others will respect me if I have it. I see it as adding credibility. Without it, I see myself not being able to do what I want to do. In essence, I see a future of guilt, misery, embarrassment, regret, powerlessness, and failure.

Who would you be without the thought “I need financial security”?

Well, I have to go to the space of my worst nightmare coming true… losing everything. And then look from there at who I would be without the thought.

So… my worst nightmare: I can see my credit report, and it’s trashed… I can see not being able to pay my bills, my bills being late, losing my phone service, losing my utilities, losing my house, not having money to buy the things I need… I can go to the place of “I don’t have any money to pay my rent”…and without the thought “I need financial security” I would be open to the experience of it. No resistance. Total surrender to the what-isness of it all. I can see that I would move, I would shift from what I am used to having, I would totally have the support of my family, my friends, my church, or the government. I can really see that I will never go without – I will never starve, my children won’t starve. The worst that could happen is that I would be employed at the church thrift store or managing a crew at a fast food place. I can see that in doing that I’m OK. I’m really, really, OK. I am patient. I can see rebuilding things with time but surrendering to that which I cannot change in the meantime. I can see it as an interesting life adventure, a tangent that my life is going on and that I am totally capable of recovering. I can see all the love and support of friends that I have, like my dear friend Shawn Connell, remembering times that he said he totally believes in me and sees me as one of the most capable people on earth.

I can see myself losing my ‘stellar’ reputation…and feeling relieved that I don’t have other people to worry about now. I can worry about /focus on myself for once. I am free.

I can do all kinds of things. I actually feel relieved without the thought. I feel peaceful, I feel powerful to create what is next. I can actually see my creativity emerging, welling up inside me. This is all part of my story… how will it all turn out? Isn’t this interesting.

I can see that I would survive.

I will be totally taken care of and supported by those around me. And if not, I will die a very peaceful, poor lady. That’s my worst nightmare! LOL

Right now, who I would be without the thought…

I would relish the money as it comes in. I would be more responsible for how it goes out. I would see what a true blessing it all is – the currency of it, what it feels like to have it. I would take it more seriously in some ways but less seriously in other ways. I would see that it is all a game and it can be fun to make but my life doesn’t depend on it.

I wouldn’t see me as powerless without it. I would see the absence of it as a space to create.

Would I be regretful? I don’t think so, ultimately. I could just relax about money and let it relax about me. I would be more resourceful and creative. I would be more playful about creating it, utilizing its energy, harnessing its power. I like this.

Money wouldn’t be tied into my image, or anyone else’s for that matter. I would see how much meaning we put on money and I could just laugh as I observe that. I can be totally peaceful in the midst of it. (I am relaxed so deeply right now as I write this.)

Turn it around:

I don’t need financial security.

It’s true.

~ I don’t have it. I have never needed it. What is it anyway?

~ I have everything I need already. I have clothes, I have 2 houses, I have food in the fridge. I have everything I need. I have EVERYTHING I need! (wow, how would it be to just trust that…)

I would be completely, totally, one hundred percent peaceful. I would be the most creative person on earth. I would be a space for miracles to show up – dancing with the unknown - what a blessed life!

~ I see that I already have what I would call financial security. Silly me.

I need security (that doesn’t come from money)

This is truer. What comes to mind is spiritual security. I need INNER security. Money comes and goes, and I am always here. I need inner reliance to get me through, not money to get me through.

This recent “Note from the Universe” comes to mind:

Fear always goes away once two things are realized: First, you're a spiritual being. Second, nothing can ever be lost or taken from a spiritual being that cannot be recreated. Not pride, not money, not love.

Phew!

The Universe

So it’s not even possible for me to be financially UN-secure! I can always create it. I can’t really lose that which is truly mine. Besides, whether or not I have an abundance of money is God’s business.

I need my thinking to be secure. True. I need my thinking to take me to true places, places of peace, rather than scaring myself.

I see that I can never be financially insecure! Oh my. Evidence:

I have never gone without money.

In fact, I have evidence that I am a powerful manifestor.

-I got a job within 2 days of moving to Virginia in 2000
-I had an admin job making $13 an hour in 2000 – (not bad for today, and not bad for SEVEN years ago!
-I got a huge raise and a promotion in a job after only a few months
- I recently got an offer to work part time for a full time salary
-My husband wants me to work for his business
-JT said if she ever needed a CEO she would hire me
- in 2002, when I moved back to Utah from Virginia, my friends Andrew and Bill opened a whole branch/office just for me in Utah – and they had to close it after I left because nobody could keep it afloat after me
-I managed to make enough money while self-employed to owe the IRS $2000 in 1999 when I was just 21 years old! ($2K was a LOT of money to me)
-I have money in the bank right now.
-I own two homes.
-I own a truck and a car.
-I own great furniture.
-I own two dogs and a horse.

I see that the higher truth is that I can’t keep money away from me! Apparently, people seem to want to give me money all the time and really value what I provide. I love that.

I want financial security.

That is truer – I want to be smart with my money and have great cash-generating assets. That makes me feel like I am in a process of education – I get to control or play with it and watch it grow. Amazing. I am amazingly responsible, capable when it comes to making money. I could learn to manage it a little bit better, and I could be excited about that. I AM excited about that. It’s a game!

One thing Katie talks about in "I Need Your Love - Is That True?" is Un-Scaring yourself. In other words, you look at what the WORST thing is you imagine could happen, and you find three genuine ways that you could actually survive it.

So here I go, UN-SCARING MYSELF ABOUT MONEY:

"If I lost everything I have, I couldn’t go on."

"If I was 65 years old and couldn’t retire, that would be the worst thing."

"If I worked my whole life and had nothing to show for it, my life would be a waste, and THAT would be the worst thing."

If I lost everything I have, I could go on. How?

- I would be supported by the Church or by my family.

- I could be open to being moved by the Spirit.

- I could travel the country by hitchhiking and couch surfing.

- I could apply for some kind of grant and start a new business.

If I was 65 years old and couldn’t retire, that wouldn’t be the worst thing. How?

- Wherever I was working, I could be a wise old woman who helps others.

- I could always go back to massage therapy and work at a resort somewhere

- I would have spent so much time doing other things – I could really do what I loved because I would know what that is… maybe.

If I worked my whole life and had ‘nothing’ to show for it, my life would not be a waste. How?

- I would know that I kept myself going for as long as I did. Isn’t that wonderful?

- I have had great experiences with making and losing money

- I am really good at spending it. I never went without. I was generous with my money and didn’t fear holding on to it. I spent it all on other people.

I can mess everything up

“I mess everything up”- is that true?
Sometimes Katie asks for your evidence.

When have I messed everything up? (this is my evidence - truly)

- hmmmm...only just about every guy I have ever dated had some elements that prove I messed everything up.

- by looking stupid in front of that boy I liked when I was 11 years old

- my first marriage and divorce (1998)

- by trying to be self employed at age 19 when I knew nothing about business

- when I broke up with (that poor fellow) right before he left on his church mission

- by turning in my friends for doing drugs and them hating me (8th grade)

- by making boys more important than my best friend (10th grade)

- by not being old enough, mature enough physically, not being able to drive (10th grade)

- by making major decisions too quickly

- by wanting to be Melissa’s locker partner instead of Katie’s (8th grade)

- by showing my boyfriend too much of my emotions over my parent's divorce and him feeling overwhelmed (12th grade)

- by being too messed up over my parent’s divorce (12th grade)

- by letting (that one girl) tag along with my friends (19 yrs old)

- by being too loud and annoying for people (11th grade)

- by being too hard on my friend S. (2005)

- by dating Mr. Wrong 1999

- by not going to college right after high school

- by going in to debt trying to make money with MLMs (1995)

- by not knowing how to do business right at age 19 -not knowing I needed to withhold for taxes and owing the IRS a lot of money

- by getting into debt for no good reason (early 20's)

- by being impulsive about buying a brand new'97 jeep wrangler that I ended up having to sell a year later because the payments were too high (1996)

- by taking jobs I didn't want, out of desperation

- by compromising my standards to try to please people

- by trying to coach people who weren't asking to be coached

- by shoving the good things I love down people’s throats because I think they need it

- by telling my husband how I felt about him way too soon when we were dating (nearly scared the poor guy off) (2002)

- by doing what other people wanted me to do instead of following my heart

- by doing things out of fear and not trusting myself

- by not showing up for work that one day, failing to work out the miscommunication with my boss, and getting fired (1995)

- by criticizing my husband

- by lashing out without thinking

- by having had my priorities in life screwed up at times

- by going on an all raw food diet and thinking it would be healthy for me

- by buying my Honda on a whim (2004)

- by telling my best friend that she was fat (5th grade)

- by being responsible for a mistake that caused a product recall right before Christmas (2004)

- by telling everyone “I’m totally going to marry him” about a dozen different guys (crying wolf)

- by saying mean things to my mom

SEE ALL THE EVIDENCE I HAVE???? So....

I can mess things up.

Is it true?

Yes!!!

Can you really know it’s true?

Hm.

I can’t know how things are really ‘supposed’ to go apart from how I 'think' they should go. So no. I can't know what is messed up and what is not, ultimately.

How do you react when you think that thought, "I can mess everything up"?

I feel sick. Like a complete moron, idiot, regretful, just sick. I feel like I have done something that can never be undone. I hurt people. I see myself as someone who hurts people. I see them as angry and hurt and confused. I feel stupid for saying anything. I regret what I did. I work hard to try to make it right. I am always seeking their forgiveness and approval. I apologize profusely, or I blow it off. Sometimes I see them as stupid, like, why do they care so much? They should just get over it. I work hard to fix things. I see them as totally hating me, broken hearted, damaged beyond repair and I did that to them.

I blame myself – it’s all my fault, I ruined everything, I am an idiot, I beat myself up, I feel terribly guilty and totally responsible for their choices and mine, and I feel responsible for the outcome of their lives for the rest of my life/and theirs. I look out for them all the time. I hope they are doing OK in life because if they are not, I know it was my fault. I have to work really hard to look good. I have to beg sometimes. I am uncertain of the forgiveness that they do grant. I worry. I am preoccupied with thoughts about them sometimes and wonder where they are… etc.

I see myself as a dangerous person, because I am someone who hurts people.

I see God as out of the picture – he wasn’t there because I moved away. I am left alone, that was a mistake, I really screwed up and really have to work hard to make it right. Apparently I have more power to do harm than God has to do good. God was not in control in that moment. I am a bad, bad girl. I am hurtful and mean, stupid, careless, manipulative, probably schizophrenic, or have some kind of bipolar disorder, not whole, not ok.

I see my efforts on the front end as a waste. I see everything as ruined. I see that I have disappointed people and let them down.

I am in total fear of losing something very important to me.

I am not straight with people. I worry far too much about what they think about me. I see the choices I have made as bad ones, mistakes, could have been avoided, wastes of time, hurtful, bad, stupid, wrong.

I live my life trying to be perfect so I don’t mess anything up. I am critical of other people when they appear to mess up. I have a million examples of how I have messed up. Fear of losing everything, ultimately – making some mistake and losing my whole entire future from now to eternity – everything that was ‘supposed’ to be mine will be lost. That feels pretty lousy and hopeless.

I think it’s tragic when I see people doing the same things I did and I work hard to stop it.
At times I think I know what’s best for others and I dictate to them how they should and shouldn’t be and how they should live their lives – I am full of advice – I try to help them avoid pain.

Sometimes I am utterly, completely ashamed and embarrassed – I am embarrassed to simply be alive.

I fear their judgments of me. I have to know that they are OK, that they don’t hate me, that they like me. I have to look out for them forever just to be sure they don’t hate me.

I have to be very calculated about the choices I make because I am paralyzed by fear of messing things up.

I am totally driven by ‘doing the right thing’, and it’s very stressful.

This thought gives birth to other thoughts like: I messed everything up…I hurt people…I’m not OK…what is wrong with me? And then I resort to probably blaming THEM.

I get to feel like an idiot. Woo hoo!

Without the thought I can mess everything up:

I wouldn’t be afraid to make mistakes

I would be relaxed and peaceful and trust myself

I wouldn’t see that list as a list of times I have messed up… how would I see it then? Interesting experiences… could they even be perfect? Could they be part of ‘the plan’? What if things happened exactly as they were supposed to? (That’s steep but I am looking…)

I wouldn’t blame myself for my marriage ending. I, in all those above experiences, might start to see how I was carried through it all, doing the best I could…

Could it be true that I didn’t mess up anyone’s life? Could it be true that I did not hurt anyone?

I would have no regrets

I might start to see perfection/blessings in it all

I might not be embarrassed by my choices

I might actually be proud of my experiences and who I’ve become out of them

I would be compassionate with myself and others – understanding and less critical

I would open to the perfection of it all.

I wouldn’t resist messing things up

I could be playful with my foibles

I wouldn’t have to work so hard to prove that I am perfect

I could own my mistakes, misjudgments, misgivings.

I would be more relaxed.

I wouldn’t worry so much about what others thought of me – back in my own business instead of torturing myself to death

I wouldn’t be afraid to try new things

I could walk by grace and by the spirit

I could trust the perfection of all things

I could fully accept responsibility for my choices.

I am deeply, deeply sorry for the impact of my choices – but not hiding behind the guilt and the blame.

I can mess everything up - Turn it Around:

I can’t mess everything up. (or - I didn’t mess everything up.)

I can’t ultimately know how things were supposed to go.

I can’t ultimately know what another’s path is.

I can’t know that it ultimately was not the best thing to happen to them or to me.

More genuine examples…?Anyone?

I fixed everything up

Oh my, this feels way truer. I can go in to each of those examples and demonstrate how I did everything I knew to do to make things right, in each one of those circumstances.

"I want dinner from Cafe Rio."

A fun one from Aug. 6, 2007. It goes goes to show how the work can bring clarity to things that seem silly and trivial... Turns out there are more to my wants than I think!

Belief: I want dinner from Café Rio. Is it true?

YES!

Can I absolutely know it’s true that I want dinner from Café Rio?

No – it might be something else I want that seems to look like dinner from Café Rio but I can’t really know that dinner from Café Rio is what I really want.

How do I react when I believe the thought?

I feel guilty for spending more money on dining out. I worry. I have to justify it. Nothing here in my fridge looks good. I feel guilty for having spent $175 at the grocery store yesterday only to go out and spend more money and not use what I just bought.

Who would I be without the thought?

Cheerfully looking through my cupboards and fridge, preparing something wonderful to eat. Satisfied and peaceful.

Turn it around: I don’t want dinner from Café Rio.

This could be as true – I really just want dinner. It doesn’t have to be from Café Rio.

I want dinner from me.

This feels truer – I want me to feed myself and be resourceful with what I have.

I think I’ll go make dinner.

Dogs should not shed or bark and should come when called!

This is a good one. From January 31, 2007:

Belief:

Dogs shouldn’t shed all over the place, bark at the door, and should come in when called.

Dogs shouldn’t make the floor dirty and unsanitary for my infant son. I should have a place to sit on the floor without getting dog hair all over myself. I shouldn’t have to clean up after them all the time.

1. Is it true (the belief from above)?

The reality is that they do shed, bark, and ignore me sometimes.

And I do have to clean up after them all the time (if I want a clean house).

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

I can’t know that I would be happier but I sure think I would. It really looks like my life would be much easier if I didn’t have to deal with the dogs all the time. So, I don't know.

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

I get so angry and so frustrated and so tired.

I feel like a prisoner in my own house.

I HATE the dogs.

I couldn’t care less about them.

I am mean to them

I yell at them

I smack them in frustration sometimes

I worry that my angst towards them will have a negative impact on my son (being a bad example)

I get mad at them all the time

I am resentful

I hate sweeping the floor

I hate cleaning off the furniture

I hate the house I live in because it feels like there is no space for me

I don’t talk to my husband because I think my negative feelings about the dogs will hurt his feelings

I think that I want to get rid of the dogs

I keep them in the laundry room and avoid them

I see them as a nuisance and a major pain in the butt

I sometimes ignore them

I don’t feel love for them anymore

I don’t play with them

I don’t interact with them except out of anger

I get annoyed by them

I feel totally out of control and I hate myself

I hate how I feel about them! I feel like a total jerk.

Can you see a reason to drop that thought? (And please don’t try to drop it.)

yes.

4. Who would you be without this thought?

First and foremost I would have no negative reaction to hair, barking, or disobedience.

I wouldn’t have any problem with the floor.

I would just clean up or ask for help cleaning up.

I would probably make some kind of routine.

I would be more responsible for the fact that I do have dogs, they do shed, they are not obedient, and they bark.

Without the thought I might just accept all of that.

I would be more peaceful.

I would not get angry, yell at them, or hit them. I would understand that they do what they do until they don’t. For example:

If Daisy knew how to come when called, she would.

If I knew how to train them better, I would.

If they knew how not to bark, they would.

If they knew that they were not allowed on the couch, they wouldn’t sit on it.

I could put the dogs in ‘project mode’ and realize that I have a certain amount of time set aside and a plan in place to take care of and work with them. THEN I could decide whether or not to get rid of them. :)

I would probably give them everything I’ve got.

I would be patient and kind and loving with them. I would make designated DOG areas and make areas that they are NOT allowed in, to be kind to myself.

I would have a door installed between the kitchen and the front room to limit their access to places that I want to keep free of dog hair.

I would get Daisy to a training class. I would probably make training my dogs a priority.

Turn the thought around.

Dogs SHOULD shed all over the place, bark at the door, and NOT come in when called.

-I notice that’s the reality of it. Dogs bark and shed! They can't help it! And I haven't sufficiently trained them anyway.

Other turnarounds:

-I shouldn’t shed all over the place (I shed my clothing and dishes in piles)
-I shouldn’t bark at the dogs (for barking at the door).
-I shouldn’t call them when I know they won’t come in!
-Dogs SHOULD make the floor dirty and unsanitary for my son. (I notice they do. But I could also inquire into the big 'threat' I seem to think the floors present.)
-I shouldn’t make the floor dirty and unsanitary for my son (by not cleaning up the dog hair in an effective way). Clean floors are not the dog’s business – they are mine.
-I should make the floor clean and sanitary for my son. (True- if that is what I want. Again, it’s my business, not the dog’s.They are my floors after all) (and is that even true?)
-I shouldn’t have a place to sit on the floor without getting dog hair all over myself. (If the reality is that I don’t, then I shouldn’t. However, I would question this as well –

Is it true I don’t have a place to sit on the floor?

Can I know it would be in my best interest to have a place to sit on the floor?

(I do have a place to sit on the floor – upstairs. I just don’t use it all that often.)

Still going....

The dogs should have a place to sit on the couch without getting hair all over it.
The dogs should have a place to sit without getting hair all over the floor.
(It's their house too, apparently!)

I should have to clean up after them all the time. (I should, if what I want is a clean house. I should clean all the time because I notice I do. OK not ALL the time. I should do the work on that too… I 'have' to clean up all the time…)