Whose Business Am I In?

I gave the following exercise in a recent e-zine I sent out to my subscribers and clients about the Three Kinds of Business as taught by Byron Katie. Here are my thoughts on each. (And if you want to subscribe yourself, go to www.rebeccaoverson.com and put your email address in the box provided at the bottom of the page!)

For those who missed the e-zine - the gist is this: There are only three kinds of business in the world: mine, others', and God's. When you are minding someone else's business, you suffer. Period.

Exercise 1
See if you can bring yourself some clarity by determining whose business is whose in each of these examples:

• Someone doesn't understand you
• Your feelings are hurt
• Others don't see things your way
• You don't have enough money
• You feel misunderstood by someone
• A driver on the road rear-ended your car
• Someone you love passed away
• A friend doesn't call you back
• An earthquake caused great damage to your home
• A prospect does business with your competitor instead
• Your lover left you for someone else
• You fear someone else will feel hurt or let down by your actions
• You are annoyed by someone
• You don't like a present you received

(For a more in-depth look at each situation read my answers below. But try it yourself FIRST!)

Exercise 2
I invite you to find at least one relationship problem in your life right now.
Ask yourself, "Whose business am I in?"

What do you see? Can you expand your awareness of the situation when you look from this angle?

When you are in someone else's business, is it peaceful or stressful?


What is your business in this situation?

OK, now here are my thoughts on Exercise 1.

* Someone doesn't understand you
What another person understands (or doesn't understand) is their business.

* Your feelings are hurt
Your feelings would be your business. Nobody made you feel anything. You did that by believing what you think without questioning it.

* Others don't see things your way
What other people see is their business. You say what you say, or you do what you do, and they either see things your way or not. "You need them to see things your way" - is that true?

* You don't have enough money
How I make, save, or spend money is my business.

* You feel misunderstood by someone
How you feel is your business. Whether or not they understand you is their business. Do you even understand you? Do you understand them? That's your work, your business.

And question the thought "I need them to understand me."

* A driver on the road rear-ended your car
The moment you entertain thoughts about whether it should or shouldn't have happened, you are in God's business. The reality is that it DID happen. Nothing can change that.
How other people drive is their business.
How you drive is your business.
The ultimate safety and well being of any human being who is doing all they know to do in order to play it safe and smart... is God's business if you ask me! There is an inherent risk of driving that everyone accepts, whether you do that consciously or not.

* Someone you love passed away
Whether I live or die is God's business - Unless I take my own life, and I don't plan on doing that any time soon.
So if you are suffering about someone's death, and you're having thoughts like "This shouldn't have happened" "They died too soon" - you are in God's business. "Death always comes right on time"... like everything else in the world, according to Byron Katie! To presume you know more than God about when people should or shouldn't die definitely puts you in God's business.

And as always, you can question painful thoughts (via The Work) like "This is terrible" "I'll never be the same without them" and so forth.

* A friend doesn't call you back
Who people call or don't call is their business. What are you making it mean that they didn't call you? Can you really know that's true?

* An earthquake caused great damage to your home
Earthquake: God's business.
Whether or not I have earthquake insurance: my business.

* A prospect does business with your competitor instead
Who they work with is their business.
And question any story you have about what you think you did to lose that deal. "If I'd been more flexible, they would have signed with me..." Can you absolutely know that???

* Your lover left you for someone else
Who your lover wants to be with is their business. This one is a tough pill to swallow because we think we can make people love us and we often become who we think they want us to be instead of being who we really are. The reality is, people love whom they love and there is nothing you can do about it. Oh my, there are a zillion painful concepts to be investigated in relationships! For a good read on this subject, buy "I need your love - is that true?" by Byron Katie.

DEFINITELY question any painful conclusions you are drawing about it like "nobody wants me" "There is something wrong with me" "If I'd done x they would have stayed" "I need them in my life" and so on.

* You fear someone else will feel hurt or let down by your actions
Your actions are your business. How others feel is their business.

* You are annoyed by someone
How you feel is your business. If you think you are annoyed by someone, fill out a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet on them and do The Work! You might find the person that annoys you most is YOU. :D

* You don't like a present you received
What you like is your business.
What someone chose to give you is their business.
How you deal with it is your business. Do you feel guilty for not liking it? Do you lie and pretend you do and go out of your way to make sure they know it?
The gift is in the giving, not the object itself. All the meaning you add to an object is your business. Does it bring you stress, or peace? If it's stressful, put your thoughts on paper and question them!

I welcome any questions, insights, or feedback!